Personal Relationships

By Clarence Saunders
January 28, 2013
Interpersonal Communication
Instructor Danielle Doud

In my research, I came across an article written by Health Day News. This article was on Monday January 24, 2011. In an article it was mentioned that many of us think that we have good communicating with are loved ones. It was alarming to find out in this article, written by Health Day that this was not the case. A study was done on this subject, and the findings were spouses sometime communicate with each other no better than, someone who did not know one another. It was alarming to read that most people believe, they communicate better with close friends compared to strangers. The article reminded us all that closeness can be overrated, and can give us a false sense of security. In this same article there was a term used to define a condition called closeness-communication-bias. The articles co-author Boaz Keysar, a professor of psychology at the University of Chicago. Professor Keysar outlined in a newsletter explaining what he meant, and he was involved in conducting a study of 24 married couples to take part in a study to examine their communication skills with one another. In his study, he and his co-leagues gave different couples, various tests to find out if different meanings or phases meant the same to each other in their relationships. Many of the couples were given different phases, to find out what it meant to one another. One of the examples given to a couple was a phase, ???Its getting hot in here, what comes to your mind when you hear that phase What was learned, most of the males took that phase as a come on of a sexual nature. Rather the women just took the word to mean she is hot and need to cool off a bit. In another case, the author Kenneth Savitsky, a professor of psychology at Williams College noticed, that many of the husbands would agree that their wife??™s was thinking about sex. It was found out that many of the people who did not really know one another scored the same as the married couples. Many of the husbands were shocked to learn about the finding in this research. In professors Epley??™s, study an instructor at the Chicago??™s Booth School of business. He saw the research this way, most people communicate with friends and spouses thinking they really understand each other. He learned this was not the case at all.
My feeling about communicating is, you have to work hard at it every day. As humans, we all are subject to change of direction, regardless how long we may be married or committed to each other. Just like when you buy something, if you pay attention it can be worn if you do not take care of it, with TLC, tender loving care. In many ways in our country, the divorce rate is an indicator of not being successful at communicating to each other. I myself have been married twenty years now, my wife and I have had are issues, but in our case, we still make the afford to hear one another out. As I mentioned previous it can be a fulltime job. Are children are a bonus, and have made the extra afford worth every penny.
In answering the question, have I ever had a miscommunication with someone close to you simply because assumed they understood you Yes, where do I start, my children, and my wife at times can be operating from different playbooks. It has been a problem at times, and causes us all to lose our cool. We all have been working hard on communicating, listening processing and repeating what the other person meant. If you still are unsure, we ask for further instructions from the sender.
The next question asks how we can make sure that a miscommunication does not happen in the future. My first opinion is in life there are no guarantees, humans will continue to make mistakes, all you can do is to keep communicating and listening processing. In short, you have to make sure that you speak clearly and give the receiver the best instructions you can, when you are communicating with someone.

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Ashford Library, ProQuest, Database, Google.
Article 1. Close Relationship Sometimes Mask Poor Communication,
Jan 24, 2011. Monday, Jan: 24 (Health Day News) – for many people, their communication,
Skills with loved ones are not as strong as they think. In fact.
My Personal Story, By Clarence Saunders